


3 AM

by letmegeekatyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt: End!verse Cas is in a motel, and he calls Dean completely high at like three in the morning talking about how he loves him and not everything is his fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	3 AM

"Hey, Cas, I’ve called you like three times now. Where the fuck are you guys? Call me, dammit."

"Cas, you were supposed to be back hours ago. Call me back as soon as you get this."

"Cas. Me again. Obviously. Would you please call me? Just let me know you’re okay, man."

Dean knew it was a mistake, sending Cas out with the new guys. As much as he wanted to rely on Cas like he always had, he had to face the fact that it wasn’t working anymore. He should know that better than anybody; he’d been there for every minute of the angel’s downward spiral, every bender, every late night confession and argument. He’d been there every time Cas needed shoulder to cry on or someone to take his anger out on or someone to fuck away his homesickness, until even Dean couldn’t take being used like that any more. Yeah, he’d walked away. Cas hadn’t given him much choice. But it didn’t mean there wasn’t still something between them. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t give anything to have the old Cas back.

He almost didn’t hear the phone when it finally rang at 3am. He’d fallen asleep over the desk again, and he woke to the harsh ringing with a pen jammed into the side of his face and his back aching. Nobody knew who was keeping the phone lines open, but he was profoundly grateful to them, even if service was spotty at best. Anyway, it didn't matter that caller IDs didn't work anymore; anybody who could still use a phone was on their side by default, since the virus had claimed everyone else.

Of course, it wasn’t anybody. It was Cas.

"Hey, fearless leader, you’ve been calling me? Kind of a lot, I think?"

"Cas, where the fuck are you? Are you guys okay?" Dean was suddenly wide awake.

"Of course not, Dean, what did you expect? When have you ever sent anybody out that came back okay?" Cas’s voice was angry and tired at the same time, and Dean’s stomach twisted into a knot.

"What happened?"

"They came after us when we were leaving the hospital, overtook us before we made the motel. A tidal wave, they were falling over themselves to devour us, there was something almost beautiful about the way they moved, like one of those Japanese paintings, and one by one…" Cas trailed off, as if imagining the scene over again, contemplating it like something in a museum. Dean could hear the narcotics in his voice, and anger took over.

"Goddammit, Cas, I trusted you! Those guys had just got here, just got safe, for god’s sake. You were supposed to make sure they got back okay, man, and instead you get them killed, then call me hours later high as a fucking kite talking about paintings? What the fuck?” He could feel his own voice crack, but it only made him angrier. It was one thing to endanger the folks who had been around a while, but these kids… They were barely twenty. The only reason they’d gone along was because they knew the hospital so well and knew where to get what they needed.

Cas was silent for a moment, and when he spoke again, Dean could hear him choking on the words.

"Fuck, Dean, I don’t know anymore. Where was I? Where was I with my wings and my sword and all my grace like the arm of God to come between my charges and the enemy? What’s left? What’s in this…" Dean could hear rustling on the other end of the line, like Cas was pulling on his clothes or at his hair. "What’s in this body but clay and death? I fucked up, Dean. I’m…I’m sorry."

"Cas, where are you?"

"I’ll stay here, if it’s all the same to you. One less for you to worry about. You don’t need it, on top of everything else. You’re good at looking after people, Dean. You’re so good… I’m sorry I didn’t look after you like I was supposed to. Everybody should have somebody."

Dean held his head in his hand. He wouldn’t cry over Cas. Not tonight. Not again. “Listen, just tell me where you are. I’ll come get you. Please.”

"I love you, Dean. And I fucked it up, but I do. And I did. I’m going to stay here, let the wave come. Don’t worry, Dean, I’m okay. You…you’re a hero, Dean. You’re doing so well. I won’t let you down anymore."

Then the line went dead.

***

The light was a sickly yellow color that echoed the feeling in Cas’s stomach. Whatever he had chased those pills with last night, it was a mistake, he thought. His aching head agreed, and he let out a moan.

A pair of strong arms held him gently, and he was surprised to realize he was sleeping against someone, tucked against their chest, half-sitting against the headboard.

"Dean?" His dry throat felt like fire.

"Yeah, I’m here."

It had been so long, Cas thought, since Dean had held him like this, and as the memories of the day before came back to him, he gripped Dean’s arms tighter.

"I’m here, Cas. There was only one hotel with decent walls left near the hospital. You weren’t hard to find."

"Why did you come, Dean? You shouldn’t have… I’m dangerous. I’ve got nothing to give you, any of you anymore. I’m a… a weapon with no ammo. Worse…"

"Shhh." Dean leaned forward to rest his head against Cas’s shoulder, and Cas leaned into the touch like a flower to the sun. "You fucked up. I’ve fucked up, too. The world wouldn’t be what it is if we’d always done the right things when we were supposed to.

"I’m not saying what happened yesterday is okay. God, Cas, you gotta stop medicating yourself. I need you back, man. I need you and your stupid human frailty and I need them clean and fucking sober, because I can’t do this without you. You hear me?"

"I hear you, Dean."

"Good. I’m gonna take a nap while you get cleaned up. Didn’t sleep much ‘cause I needed to keep an eye on you. There’s no water, but there’s towels, so you can at least scrub a bit. Then we’re going home."

Cas disentangled himself from Dean’s limbs slowly, painfully, and stumbled to the bathroom. Dean frowned, watching him go, watching the stoop of his shoulders and the heaviness of his head, looking for any part of the old Castiel that might be left in there, but seeing nothing.

"I love you, too, Cas," he whispered, closing his eyes and letting himself dream of better days.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/76913255384/hi-hi-hi-sundaysleepoverthingy-ficlet-prompt-p-could


End file.
